The Truth About Wives Submitting to Husbands -Christians Who Reject Parts of the Bible

Stage in the Sky
28 min readOct 12, 2021


I’ve been side-stepping this issue for a long time because I’m not married and I understand this is a very sensitive issue. But as I pursue a potential mate through online dating…the topic’s come up and I confess, I see a great deal of irony in those who take umbrage with the concept of “Wives submitting to your Husbands…”

Also…I’m going to hit on the enormous folly of Christians who say things like, “I believe in what Jesus said, but I don’t care about those other books of the Bible”…this is a problem.

audio video of essay

So check it, once upon a time I considered myself a Male Feminist. I was all about the messages of empowerment and breaking down traditional roles and self-love and all that. By the age of 28, however, I started to read the Bible for myself. I wanted to know “the truth.” Not what someone told me. Not what was passed down. But the actual truth. And this began a long process of learning how much our modern culture and living by Christ’s standards…sometimes they don’t mix.

That year, in 2014, while visiting my Aunt in Colorado, I told her what I was looking for in a mate. I said, “I’m not looking for someone to lead, or someone to follow, I’m looking for someone I can walk hand-in-hand with as my equal.”

I said this…thinking it was correct. It felt right, very in line with feminism and all the ways of the world. That’s when my aunt said:

“Well, you know, Rock…as Christians, we’re taught that the man is supposed to be the head of the household. Husbands are to honor their wives, but wives are to submit to the husbands. The husbands are supposed to lead.”

When she told me that, it blew my mind. It went against everything the world and society’s been preaching and promoting for well over a decade now. The world’s changed. It’s not like that anymore. So why is she telling me this?

Now, before I pull out the Scriptures…I need to make it clear that I’m fully aware people often will cherry-pick scriptures out of context to back up whatever argument they’re trying to make. But here’s the thing.

I was 28 when my Aunt first dropped those bombs on me. I’m 35 now. I’ve read the entire Bible from cover to cover twice, two different versions, and the 2nd one was a study Bible with thousands of detailed notes and historical context to give me background information on each scripture.

My point is when you know what the Bible says and understand the context, you’re not as vulnerable when it comes to being lied to and manipulated. Which is why I STRONGLY ENCOURAGE you to read the entire Bible for yourself. Don’t take my word for it. Don’t take your friend’s or your friend’s sister’s cousin’s word for it. Do your due diligence and read it for yourself.

Here’s what the Bible says. I’m literally just copying and pasting from the English Standard Version at

1 Corinthians 11;3–3 “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”

Ephesians 5:22–27 — “22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Colossians 3:18–19–18 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

1 Peter 3:1–4–3 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external — the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear — 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

Those scriptures are directly from the Bible. I didn’t write them. I didn’t make them up. Apostle Paul wrote to the Corinthians, Ephesians, and Colossians, while Apostle Peter wrote his letters. If you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, then you know those words come from God. It’s okay to have a problem with them. It’s okay to question God. That’s how you get to know Him.

I also encourage you to ask yourself a few questions. Like, “Why do I have a problem with this? Why does this make me feel a type of way? Do I really believe in what I’m reading?”

So, let’s be honest. The problem most people have with the notion of “wives submit to your husbands” is their interpretation of the word “submit”. To be “put under” or yielding to another person’s authority goes against a lot of what mainstream culture’s been promoting with Feminism and Gender Equality for decades. I think society has done a good job of demonizing the word to the point where most people often associate submission with domination and tyranny, almost akin to Slave Owners and their Slaves.

To me…the simplest way to describe submission, is if one person wants to go one way, and the other person wants to go another, if they’re to stay together, one of them has to submit (give in) to the other person’s direction. This is an oversimplification, of course…but bear with me. Because, from what I’ve seen, if you get too detailed, people latch onto the details instead of seeing the big picture. And there is a Big Picture, one far more dangerous than simply being offended by a word or concept.

And here’s the irony when it comes to the whole “wives submit to your husbands”…As much as people want to think, “Oh, you just want to dominate and be in control” or “you’re sexist and misogynistic for even bringing up those scriptures.”

If the reverse was said…If the Bible told us that it’s Husbands who Should Submit to their Wives…guess what I would do…I would submit to my wife. If the Bible told us that whoever makes the most money in the relationship makes the rules, I will submit to that. Why? Because I’d be submitting, not to the logic and wisdom of Human Beings…but to the Word of God.

Not to mention, everyone submits to something. Employees submit to their bosses, students submit to their teachers, teams submit to their captains or coaches, professionals submit to the demands of their fans or their industry. Since college I was told you have to “play the game to win”. In life, I was told you have to sometimes do things you don’t want to do in order to get ahead. Is this not submission?

We’re willing to do all that…but not submit to the one person we love more than enough to spend the rest of our lives with? Isn’t that strange?

“Hold up, Rock! What about compromise and equal partnership!

Alright, so let’s hit on compromise first.

Why do we think submission is all about total dominance and tyranny? I surmise it’s because if there’s no problem, then there’d be no reason for change. But if we can convince people that husbands being in charge means that women have no say in the matter, that they’re just property…well, that’s not good. Something has to change. Thank you, mainstream media and Hollywood.

Yes, there are abusive men out there who call themselves Christians while treating their women like crap. Yes, there were Christian men who lived by the standards of their time, where it seemed acceptable to slap your wife and no one would bat an eye. I’m not condoning any of that.

Because just as the Scriptures say that wives should submit to your husbands, the Apostle also tells us at 1 Peter 3:7 “7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Show honor to your woman…live with your wives in an understanding way. Who will tell me that this is tyranny? Which of you will tell me this is complete dominance? If all you see and hear about in the media are the bad relationships, it’s going to have an impact on your perception of relationships. As if it’s the men who wanted those pink floral drapes, or that vacation to Tahiti, or to name their sons Ashley and their daughters, Parker.

That’s a bit of levity there, but you get my point. And here’s the thing…if the husband and wife are both Christians striving to put God first…would the whole “submission” concept even be that big of a deal? If you share the same values, the direction your husband wants to take is usually the same direction you want to take. And if “compromise” is such a problem, wouldn’t you have figured that out during the dating process before you got married? Or is it so important for you to feel like you had a hand in the decision, that you never submitted, that you’re not beneath anyone?

“Well, isn’t that important to you?!”

Not really…Since I was 17, I learned to simply let people think they’ve gotten the best me in order to accomplish something that was more important. I don’t mind letting people think they’ve won small battles or that they’re in control of me. That’s why I sometimes laugh when people say, “You know, if you care too much about the other person than they do, then you’re giving them all the power in the relationship.”

Alright, so let’s talk about that notion of “equal partnership.”


Again, I have to start with questions. Why do people think the notion of equality, equal partnership, equally yoked, and the breakdown of traditions and gender roles are a good thing? Why is that so important to people? Why is that so important to you?

“Are you serious, Rock?”

Well…I mentioned earlier that it’s okay to question God. But we’re not allowed to question culture or progressive ideology?

“Because equality is a good thing! Anyone who doesn’t believe in equality is evil and they shouldn’t be allowed to…”

Says who? Why do you think the way you think?

“Well, how would you feel if you were hanging around people who thought they were superior to you? I mean, don’t you care about equality and being treated as an equal?”

Of course I care…at the same time, this might sound strange, but it really isn’t that important to me. I’ve always had this belief that in order to be treated as an equal, you must first see yourself as an equal or superior. It starts with you and how you see yourself. Otherwise, no matter how well someone treats you, no matter what they do for you…it may NEVER be enough. I believe in equality under the law, but anything that can’t be accurately measured or proven, it’s a bit futile.

Let me put it this way, if you were secure, confident, and content with who you are and what you have…would you really care if someone entered the room flashing their money and accomplishments thinking that they’re better than you? Sure, it might be little annoying, but not to the point that I’d dwell on it and demand that they change who they are so I can feel better.

And that’s what it boils down to. Isn’t it. The whole problem with “submission” and “equality” is about how you personally feel as an individual. Equality can’t be about everyone universally, because everyone is different.

Everyone has different preferences, worldviews, priorities, wants and needs. I’m taller than most. I work out and box so I’m healthier and more athletic than most my age. And let’s be honest, when it comes to beauty…why do you think people complain about beauty standards? Why do you think people created things like body positivity and fat-acceptance movements? Why do you think people within those movements get mad at people like Adele when they lose weight?

There will never be this utopian “equality” unless we all look the same, did the same things, wanted the same things, and got the same things. Again, other than fairness under the law…I just think it’s pointless to care so much.

Your best bet is just to recognize and accept yourself for who you are, whether you’re better or worse than others and not give a shit. I have a big nose. I got no game and I’m so goofy it’s ridiculous. But it’s all good. If people don’t like you for who you are, it’s okay. This isn’t injustice. They have the same freewill you’re blessed with. Instead of trying to change and control them, I say, leave and go someplace where you are accepted and appreciated for who you are. No one’s responsible for your feelings more than you.

Yes, the Bible does say that man and woman become “one” when they get married. But as mentioned in the scriptures, the husband is the head. (Eph. 5:23). So, when it comes to the concept of “equal partnership,” I’m sorry, but I don’t think there can be “two heads”? I could be wrong, but from what I read, the Scriptures just don’t support that.

Instead, I believe in a phrase I recently heard from Suzanne Venker, in that we’re “equal in value, but different by nature.” Men and women bring equal value to the relationship but in different aspects. A man may have greater “physical strength,” while a woman has greater “emotional strength.” Ravi Zacharias illustrates this in a recent speech where talks about a sick child; a woman might have the greater emotional strength to sit and not leave that child’s side, while it may be too much for the father to handle and he has to get out and take a walk.

I will tell you that not once have I ever been in a relationship and saw my girlfriend as “beneath me.” Instead of seeing women as inferior, I gravitate to those who are actually stronger than me in areas that I am weak or lacking. I believe we should complement each other, not compete.

“Yeah, well, I think anyone who’s so concerned about wives submitting to your husbands has the wrong attitude going into a Christian marriage?”

Right, so allow me to illustrate why I think this is super important.

Let’s say, we’re married. We have a son. In 2 nd Grade, he comes home from school and tells us that he feels like a girl and wants to start wearing dresses and be called Madeline. Do you see where I’m going with this? Personally, if it’s just me and her, I wouldn’t care so much about issues of “submission.” But when we have children…it’s on us to steer them right, to raise them to do what’s good in God’s eyes.

And I promise you…nothing would be more devastating to me as a father…than to be with a wife who says, “Let him wear a dress! I believe everyone should do whatever they want if it makes them happy. If he wants to be called Madeline. We’ll call Marcus, Madeline.”

If I say no to this and she doesn’t submit to my authority after showing them the scriptures, it’s our son who will be harmed and jeopardized. Why? Because as Christians we know what will happen to this world and all wickedness. This world is the Titanic. The ship is going down. And if we love our children, we’ll want to do whatever we can to make sure they have a place on those lifeboats.

“OH SEE! You’re not accepting your son?!”

Read 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, for yourself and tell me what you think God will accept in the Kingdom of Heaven.

People like to point out how Jesus ate with sinners, but in the book of Luke, Jesus explains, “Does a physician go and tend to healthy people?” In Luke 5:31, Jesus answers, ““It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. 32 I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

The Apostle Paul gives perhaps the most encouraging charge of mothers at 1 Timothy 2:13–15 where he writes, “13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve; 14 and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. 15 Yet she will be saved through childbearing-if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.”

That might sound like he’s bringing up women just to put them down…but as the Pastor John MacArthur notes in his Study Bible, “Paul is teaching that even though women bear the stigma of being the initial instrument who led the race into sin, because women have a unique bond and intimacy with their children, they also have the privilege of leading many out of sin to godliness.”

That’s amazing dude! That’s why as I continue my journey to find a wife…yes, I’ll be drawn to how hot she is and whether we have good chemistry…but I’ll be looking to see if this woman would be a good mother to our children. We’ll need to be united in raising them to do what’s good in Gods eyes, while preparing them to endure a world that will try to get our children to rebel and reject God at every turn.

Honestly, every time your kid puts on headphones, he or she is basically being schooled with the ideology of an entertainer, whether it’s Drake, Future, Travis Scott, Justin Bieber, or even Cardi B. Entertainers who, to this day, still believe they aren’t responsible for any negative influence on your children.

I hate to bring it up, but look at Will Smith. He was raised as Christian but married a woman who didn’t share his values on marriage. Now, he recently came out with a GQ interview talking about his “open marriage” with Jada Pinkett Smith . To his credit, Will does say, “I don’t suggest our road for anybody.” But don’t think for one second that grown ass adults aren’t looking at what’s going on and thinking to themselves, “I like that. The idea that I can be married to someone and yet have sex and engage in an ‘entanglement’ with another person…that sounds like fun. And if my partner isn’t into it, then he must not trust me. They’re not capable of experiencing that ‘highest definition of love’.

This is what you risk when you marry someone who doesn’t share your Christian values. That’s not to cast 100% blame on Jada…but just like Adam when Eve brought him the fruit from the forbidden tree, Will had/has a choice. Don’t take my word for it. Listen to what Shameka says on the matter.

At this point, I’d like to present you with two real life debates I had with other “Christians” about the subject of “wives submit to your husbands.” The 2nd one is pretty funny (disturbing).

FIRST CONFLICT — The first was with an older Christian woman in her 70s who’s been a close friend of mine since I was 23. I told her about a girl I was courting through online dating and her aversion to the notion of “wives submit to your husbands.” I tried to explain that this is what the Bible says and revealed my simplified version of “submit” and she disagreed.

She said she didn’t believe a woman should have submit to anyone and that, in marriage, you should work together. I agreed with the concept of “working together,” but if it comes to an impasse and someone needs to capitulate, if the woman claims to be a Christian abiding by the word of God, she should submit to the man’s authority.

This older friend was clearly heated and told me I was wrong, literally saying, “You have an ego.”

Now, we didn’t get a chance to finish that conversation because someone else came into the office, but I’m not going to lie…her assessment, it hurt me deeply. Being humble and meek are not my strongest attributes, but I am working on it. So when she said I had an “ego”…Yeah, I took a moment to self-reflect.

Was I really wrong? Was I misinterpreting the scriptures? Do I really have an ego?

In turning to the Bible, I re-read those aforementioned scriptures about wives submitting to their husbands and even called my mother. My mother confirmed I wasn’t wrong.

Bringing me to my 2nd conflict.

2ND CONFLICT — This guy is a 60-something-year-old white male in my boxing class. We’ve talked about religion and cultural issues before. It’s like the barbershop. We get passionate, but we hash it out, and it’s no big deal. But when I told him what I was dealing with and the whole “wives submit to your husbands” notion, he disagreed.

He said, “You know, Rock, I don’t agree with all that submission stuff. When it comes to the Bible, I’m a Christian, but I believe in what Jesus said. I really don’t care about all that other stuff those other guys said. If Jesus didn’t say it, I don’t care about it.”

And of course…that’s when I lost it. This was my fault. It was just after boxing and I wasn’t expecting such (holds back the word I want to use).

I told him, “Do you believe that the Bible is inspired by God, that the words of the book come from God?”

He said yes.

So, I was like, “Then how could you possibly say that you’ll only consider what Jesus said and disregard everything else? Not to mention, do you think Jesus Christ wrote the Gospels himself? He didn’t! His apostles and friends of apostles wrote Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Everything you know about what ‘Jesus said’ came from what someone else wrote down. So if you believe those four books and disregard everything else…what does that say about you?”

And that’s when he accused me of looking down on others for not believing the way I believed. He was like, “that’s not right, Rock. You gotta respect other people’s opinions. You can’t look down on them even if you disagree with them.”

And here’s the deal. I agree that one should always treat others with respect whether you agree with them or not. Meaning, I’m not going to call you stupid or say you’re wrong even if I’m thinking it.

HOWEVER, when it comes to whether or not I really do internally respect or accept your opinion…I’m sorry ladies and gentlemen, but if you say some nonsense in which I clearly know you’re wrong…NO! I’m not going to pat you on the back, nod and go out of my way to make you feel good. Because, to me, it’d be like I’m validating the person’s opinion. As if they’re correct. I cannot do that. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that one of the reasons why this world is so messed up right now is because too many people have done that.

Honestly, my thoughts went straight to the Holocaust and Mao’s Great Leap Forward. So many atrocities have happened in this world because people who could make a difference were either too afraid to correct someone or they benefited too much from letting such ideology go on unchecked.

And I like to use this…for all those who want to say, “Oh, I believe in Jesus but not the Apostles.”

Remember what Jesus said, in Matthew Chapter 19, Jesus makes it very clear about the one permissible reason for divorcing your spouse. In verse 9, Jesus says, “9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

This is what Jesus said! Do you agree with him? Do you still believe in him? Because, it’s not the only chapter in which he says this. I’ve cited this verse and was hit with, “But Rock, what if abuse is involved?”

Well…if I call myself a Christian and endeavor to follow him…I’d live my life by Christ’s teachings. You just read for yourself what Jesus said. Does that not answer your question? Or are you so keen to hear it from my lips so you can divert your attention from the Word…to me, a flawed human being, ripe for debate and argument? Wiggle room, basically, so you can justify doing whatever you want.

This is a tactic I’ve seen time and time again and people think they’re so friggin slick. And the ironic thing is…Jesus Christ said “except for sexual immorality” indicating it’s the only permissible reason. However, the Apostle Paul goes deeper by saying, in 1st Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”

One could argue whether Paul is saying you can divorce an unbelieving partner…but to those who believe Jesus but not those other books…What say you? Now, what Paul is saying certainly sounds enticing…doesn’t it?

“But Rock, nobody’s perfect. We all fall short. You can’t look down on people who get divorced for other reasons while trying their best to be good practicing Christians.”

I’m not arguing against that. The issue is with those who reject Bible principles in the first place. If you know Christ’s teachings and you fall short and stumble, as we all do, Christ tells us to pray for forgiveness and repent.

But in order to repent, you must acknowledge that what you’re doing is wrong. To know what you’re doing is wrong, you have to read the Bible to find out what God deems is right and wrong. Dennis Prager talks about this in his book, “Genesis, the Rational Bible” in an essay about why God didn’t call upon Sodom and Gomorrah to repent.

In Genesis 18, God took Abraham out over the hill and talked about destroying those two cities. Why didn’t he call on them to repent first, the way he did with Jerusalem time and time again, or even cities like Nineveh, the city where God sent his servant Jonah to call upon them to change?

In his book, Dennis Prager writes on page 216, “In Sodom, as we will see in Genesis 19:4–11, where it says “all” the townspeople participated in attempted rapes, Sodom had no cognizance of good and evil. Therefore, they could not consider themselves sinners and therefore would not even understand a call to repentance.”


Think about it. Seriously, stop right now and consider this thought exercise . If God took a servant out over the city where you lived and promised not to destroy the entire city if he found but just ten innocent people…if he considered you NOT to be one of those innocent people…what about your life would you change in order to prevent your own destruction? How would you know what to change if you don’t read the Bible?

I get it…the concept of simply “Believing in Jesus” in order to be saved is amazing. If all you have to do is believe Jesus existed as the son of God and died for our sins…sounds easy.

However, when Jesus was on earth, he did more than just die on a cross. He taught us. He gave instructions on how to live. He made disciples of men and instructed them to go forth baptizing others. Jesus Christ himself knew it would not be easy to believe in him (John 15:20).

And that’s not God’s fault. It’s Satan’s. If God put you alone on an island and gave you a commandment not to drink any beer…that sounds “easy” if there isn’t any beer around. But if Satan suddenly showed up with a boat full of sexy people and kegs of beer saying, “Hey! You want to have sex with them? Well, you gotta drink!”

Well, suddenly following God’s commandment ain’t so easy now.

So, yes…I’m calling out and admonishing self-proclaimed Christians who willingly ignore and reject the words of Christ and his Apostles. I’m not talking about those who just didn’t know. If you are reading these scriptures for the first time and it makes you feel a type of way…that’s alright. God knows we are humans and a lot of us are born and raised in a system that goes against Bible teachings. It’s going to take time, effort, and faith to re-program you from that social engineering. It’s a process. Question everything! But don’t stop seeking the truth.

I’ll leave you with two examples of humans who knew God, but leaned upon their own understanding.

The 1st is with King Saul. God ordered Saul to annihilate the Amalekites in 1st Samuel 15. In verse 3, God instructed, “3 Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.”

To us humans, this sounds horrible. This is genocide. Genocide is evil, right? Not if you’ve read the Bible and understand why this is happening. In Exodus, we learn that the Amalekites terrorized and attacked the young nation of Israel when they were out in the wilderness upon leaving Egypt. Out of love for his people and the strong sense of justice, God said at Exodus 17:14, “I will utterly blot out the memory of Amalek from under heaven.”

Leading me to my 2nd instance. In Matthew 16, Jesus was reminding his disciples that he would need to go to Jerusalem and suffer terrible things and be killed and raised on the third day. Peter tried to stop him saying, “Far be it from you, Lord! This shall never happen to you.”

Do you remember Jesus’s response to Peter? He said in verse 23, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.”

…you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.

Jesus’s reaction to Peter is legit how I felt when I talked to those two Christians and got the kind of pushback I received by merely stating what the Bible says. It’d be one thing if I was revealing the scriptures to an Atheist. I’d expect a lot of push-back and defiance from them. But from those who claim to be Christians?…it was rough.

Again, I get that this is a sensitive subject. And some people may still be in the process of becoming a Christian where they simply weren’t ready to hear words like, “Wives submit to your Husbands.” I get it. Once upon a time, I had Christians telling me all kinds of stuff I wasn’t ready to hear or accept either.

But speaking on behalf of myself, hopefully now you’ll understand why a man like me would bring up such scriptures before we even get married. It’s not because I have an ego. It’s not because I’m in a rush to lord over someone. But from what I’ve found…if I’m dealing with a Christian who doesn’t know the scriptures as much as I do…there’s a lot of arguments where they take it to a place of, “Rock, you should be ashamed for not doing what’s good in the eyes of the modern culture. You’re too conservative.”

You can’t serve two masters. I aim to rebel if it goes against what God says through his word the Bible. Defiant till the day I die.

“But, Rock. There is no perfect woman.”

Not looking for perfection…just the effort and willingness to improve. Because honestly…I wouldn’t mind it if my girlfriend or wife was more spiritually mature than I was. I’d be inspired instead of turned off and repulsed. Yes, she’d probably get a lot of “that’s interesting, darlin. Let me look into that.” And I might even be a little worried that she’s too “holy” for me…but if she makes it a point to embrace me, believing in my potential to get up to her level…I’d accept that challenge.

But that’s just me. Thank you for reading!


At this point, ….y’all know I’m long winded. So the following is just additional thoughts and more ramblings I had in the process of developing this Essay.

On the same day as that first conflict, where I was all down in the dumps over being accused of having an “ego” (everyone has an ego)…I came across a young woman, age 31, who told me this. “I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual.”

When I asked her why, I already had preconceived notions about it. Because, as I’ve written in other essays, when I hear “Christian but not religious,” I generally think this person knows about Christ but doesn’t really care to live by Christ’s standards. This woman proved to be the exception to the rule.

She said, “The reason why I don’t like to call myself Christian and would rather say I’m spiritual and not religious…is because of what I’ve seen from other people who call themselves Christians. They say they believe in God and follow Christ, but their actions go against it. Like, I’ve seen so many self-proclaimed Christians make fun and belittle Jehovah’s Witnesses for going door to door to preach the good news. But that’s what they’re supposed to do. Jesus said go forth and make disciples of all the nation.”

This woman…she really made me smile. I swear I’m not making this up and I give God all the glory for sending her my way at that exact moment. I thanked God because I needed a reminder. I’m not alone.

More and more, I’m simply coming to terms with the fact that there are different types of people who label themselves Christians. Some merely inherited the title and call themselves Christians because that’s what they’re parents were, so they followed suit without truly understanding what it means. Some believe that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior who died for our sins so that we may be forgiven…and then there are actual Practicing Christians who not only believe in all of the above, but live by the teachings of Christ and his Apostles. Such as how we should treat each other with love and kindness, and pursuing first the Kingdom of Heaven over earthly materialistic goals.

This is important to distinguish when it comes to marriage because if you and your potential mate are different, and she or he isn’t willing to become a Practicing Christian like you…you’re going to bump heads and run into all kinds of conflicts. Not only will you constantly be called all kinds of names, like self-righteous, too conservative in the negative sense, misogynistic, a bigot, intolerance, and etc…but these people are likely and perhaps inadvertently, make you feel bad for following the Word of God. As if you’re the bad person for listening to Christ. This is not good!

“ I dunno, Rock. Sounds too much like you’re all about trying to control people!”

I’m not. You have a choice. This is the path I walk. Never will you catch me grabbing someone to drag them down my path. And until I make a vow before God to be your husband, we are not attached. You’re free to do whatever you want.

How stupid does it look, to have someone walk with me, see where I’m going, and then say something like, “Are you saying if I want to be with you, I have to walk this path too? Sounds like you’re really controlling. We don’t have to keep on this path. We can stop. Walk around. Check out these other paths too. You…”

There are billions of guys out there. Go to them! How is that “controlling”?

Now more than ever, we live in the sickest most twisted and backwards ass immoral society. If I plan to have children, I need to stand united with my future wife in the way we raise them. If I’m with a wife who believes in “doing whatever makes you happy regardless of what the Bible says” this is a problem!

If we love our children, we need to provide them with not one, but two loving parents in strong solidarity.

You see what I did there? The Bible may say wives are to submit to their husbands, but wives are still crucial to the family. Children need their mothers and their fathers. I don’t want to say they’re “equal” because I think society has used that word to do more damage than good. If both are striving to do what’s good in God’s eyes, who cares who’s equal! If we both endure to the end, then we’ll both be saved. That’s what really matters.

That’s why it kills me…it literally breaks my heart when I run into nice, beautiful, Christian women. I can tell they have the glow of Christ on them. I can tell they’re good-natured and would make awesome wives. But sadly…they don’t know what I know. Almost as if it would have been better if I didn’t read the entire book, just so we could be on the same level.

And yes…I know people will say I’m arrogant or think I’m superior for saying we’re not on the same level, but there’s no other way to describe it. One female told me, “Are the rest of your friends like you? Where are they at? Because my friends could use a man.”

I didn’t tell her this, but the answer is there aren’t many men like me. Even in my world, I don’t know of anyone else who’s in their 30s, read the Entire Bible, is good-looking and in shape and chooses to remain a Virgin until marriage. But if I am wrong, if I’m misinterpreting the scriptures, I welcome correction if it comes based on Bible knowledge.

But if it’s just based on personal feelings, or the way of the current progressive society…I’m sorry, that’s not going to work on me. I could care less what society decides is right or wrong, I turn to God.

Society isn’t going to get me in the kingdom of heaven. All the money in the world, my condo, my car, my jobs…it’s all temporary! Ladies and gents…there’s a better world beyond this. This world is going to be destroyed. Jesus Christ is going to return. I believe this with all my heart. Just read Revelations Chapter 16 and I dare you not to feel sorry for anyone choosing the way of the world, over God.

Ultimately…I think it actually says a lot about people who are so repulsed by the notion of submitting to your husband. More or less, it tells me the following, either one or a combination of them:

1) it could be that you picked the wrong husband, 2) you’re not as humble as you think, 3) your argument is with God more so than the messenger who quotes the scriptures verbatim and tells you to think for yourself what it means, 4) you’re still plugged into this system, caring more about what the world thinks than what God thinks, 5) you don’t trust me or my intentions when I quote the scriptures, revealing how lowly you think of me, 6) you’re immature, 8) if you think you shouldn’t have to submit to your husbands because of your money and career, which of us really has the ego? 9) you just haven’t learned the truth yet.

This could be the reason why some ladies would rather be Single Mothers than Wives. But of course, even there…to be a single mother means having sex. To have sex outside of marriage is fornication and sexually immoral. So…yeah.

If you claim to be Christian, all I’m saying is that you try your best to do what’s good in God’s eyes, not what’s good in my eyes, or the eyes of society, or whatever culture you’re trapped in…but God’s eyes. What’s good in God’s eyes? Start reading the Bible to find out. Or, if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I’ll do my best to direct you to the scriptures where you can get your answers.

Originally published at on October 12, 2021.