The Hidden Truth About Today’s Dating Culture — What Wise Men See

Stage in the Sky
24 min readDec 20, 2021


This one goes out to my Dad, the already married folks, and the old-school generation who have no clue what the dating culture is like these days. Because I feel bad for him every time he asks about my dating. I know he wants a grandchild so bad. But this world is so bad…I have to be selective. I have to be wise and discerning.

In this essay, I’ve included plenty of Youtube videos so you can see that it’s not just me saying this. And it’s not just Men recognizing the issues, but more and more Women are speaking up, because it affects them too. However, for us men, we have to be careful with providing our perspective because we run the risk of being called a misogynist. God knows I love women. I credit beautiful women as one of my greatest sources of motivation. Beautiful women inspired me to hit the gym and lose 178lbs. Women inspired me to want to make something of myself, becoming a published author and excelling in life.

And to the ladies reading this…One thing you’ll notice is that I don’t make any demands of women. You won’t hear me say things like women need to change, step up, or be better. Mostly because, despite the many examples you’ll see, it hasn’t warped the fact that I know there are already good, beautiful, God-fearing women who don’t shy away from the Scriptures. But finding these ladies, connecting with them, how to approach them…it’s not like the old days. My generation has ruined that.

Before I begin, let me start with the Top 5 Common Disagreements and get that out the way.

Number1) Whataboutisms…This is where they deflect or don’t even address the points you’ve mentioned and simply turn it around to attack you. Example is, “they do it too” or “but what about you?” Number 2) Anecdotal Evidence……this is where, despite the many points you’ve brought up, they’ll bring out that one person they know that contradicts what you’re saying as if the exceptions disprove the rule. It doesn’t. It just means the person is different from most. …This is where they deflect or don’t even address the points you’ve mentioned and simply turn it around to attack you. Example is, “they do it too” or “but what about you?” Number 3) The Contrarian Explanation this is where they stop and interrupt you to provide an emotionally charged defense that’s so convoluted with irrelevant details that it waters down the momentum of your original point. Usually starts with, “to be fair…” followed by points you’ve already considered but didn’t mention because it goes without saying, such as “I’m not talking about literally everyone” or “nobody’s perfect, however”.

Number 4) the Hypotheticals …these are the “what if” questions that take your argument to the extreme ends. The common example is when people say, “what if rape happened” while arguing in favor of abortion when rape makes up less than 2% of the cases And Number 5) this is the most common issue…Small-Minded Ignorance. This is the ignorance in which a person simply finds it hard to believe what you’re saying because they’ve personally never experienced it or it’s the first time they’re hearing it as an experienced adult. These are the ones who were born and raised in the same community, or they’re in an echo chamber where all their friends and family all think alike and have the same worldviews.

This is why free speech is so important. If you silence an opinion, you’re only sweeping that opinion under the rug. It’s still there, but it creates the illusion that the opinion doesn’t exist. Which was why the media was shocked when Trump won the election in 2016 when everyone projected Hillary would win by a landslide.

This first video is literally one of hundreds and no…I don’t seek out videos telling me what I want to hear. But I confess, I am encouraged when I see videos like this. Without them, I believe an entire generation of would be the victim of “Gaslighting”. Gas-lighting is where you manipulate a person into thinking that what they’re really seeing isn’t actually happening and there’s something wrong with them for thinking it.

Trust me dad…the suicide rate among young men is not good. And personally, if I didn’t have God or discover the Red Pill Community…I don’t think I’d ever commit suicide because I’m way too defiant…but there was a time between the age of 25–30 where I honestly thought I was all alone in observing what was happening in this world. Forgive the title. I didn’t create it.

If you’ve watched the above video…it should answer a lot of questions as to why Men might not put too much effort into dating like you old-school cats used to. But I’m going to go deeper. Here are my Top 4 Reasons.


Confidence or lack thereof is going to play a part in every point I make. It’s a word that’s thrown around and used a lot. But I don’t think people really understand what they’re saying. If you walk up to any woman and ask her what qualities she likes in a man, 9 out of 10 times she’s gonna include “Confidence” in her list.

Nothing wrong with that. Confidence is a good thing. But confidence is a double-edged sword. If you saw the above video, you’d caught instances where a lot of ladies may be in the 4–5 range, but they think they’re a 10. If you’re offended by this numbering system, forgive me. But it’s referring to the level of attractiveness, which is all subjective. So keep that in mind.

In the video, it explains how men will shoot their shot with the 10s, 9s, and 8s…but if they get no luck, they’ll go for the 5s, 4s, and 3s…Dad…I used to be one of those guys. God knows I wanted to marry the most beautiful woman I can find. But if “beautiful women” weren’t checking for me when I was big and overweight, I had to “lower my standards.” It was getting to the point where I was willing to accept anyone as long as they showed an interest in me. I considered myself “lucky”.

But then something happened. One day in my mid-20s, I kissed a woman who I wasn’t attracted to physically. I kissed her because we were seeing each other for a while. I loved her personality. I was attracted to her charm. I was hoping with time I’d be able to train my mind to find her attractive…but when I kissed her…I was repulsed. Later that day she asked, “when’s the next time we can get together to cuddle…” Inexperienced as I was, I said, “I think we should slow down.” I lost a good friend that day. I’m pretty sure I hurt her feelings, and I don’t blame her for keeping away from me after that. That was my fault. I was stupid and I felt that pain for weeks.

I’m not doing that ever again. People say, “you’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings…” but I disagree. If you’re with me, if you entrust me with your time, love, and affection…AND I ACCEPT IT… then I feel duty bound to consider your heart and protect your feelings to the best of my ability. Notice I said, protect those feelings. Not manage them. Remember this when I get to my point about divorce.

The double-edge sword that comes from wanting a “Confident Man” is that a lot of these ladies out here think they’re “the prize”. They fail to realize that a man who’s confident in his abilities, his looks, his accomplishments and everything he brings to the table…If we’re confident, I won’t say that we think we’re the prize, but we for damn sure think we’re worth it.

Meaning, because of his confidence, he’s likely pass if he’s not attracted to a woman who’s out of shape, unsightly in appearance, dresses a certain way and has a bunch of tattoos if he’s not into tattoos. You might think that’s all superficial, but as a former glutton, I’m here to say you can definitely tell a lot about a person by their appearance. It takes time, experience, and wisdom…and that’s who we’re talking about here. Wise men. Saying “you can’t judge a book by its cover” doesn’t work on men like us.

Just as like women have preferences for tall men, strong jaw lines, wealth, resources, men who like to travel, go out, and have boats…Men have preferences too. And unlike the women, men get shamed and for openly stating what we want or don’t want in a woman. What do I mean? Well, take this example. Here, a man here openly explains that he’s not interested in this popular notion of a “Strong and Independent” Woman. The Ladies of “The Real” rip him a new one.

Again…if you silence voices like this man’s…is it any wonder why a lot of ladies are confused when men aren’t approaching? And then they say, “Where are the good men at?” They just shouted him down and berated him for being honest about what he wanted? Look at the ladies’ reaction in the audience. A lot of them act like this is the first time they’re hearing it. So if men don’t speak up in the mainstream and all you get is messages of women being told they’re beautiful no matter what…of course there’s going to be a disconnect.

In that first video, around the 8-minute mark, the speaker explains that Tinder shows women the attractive profiles first and if she’s rejected by those, she’ll “lash out” on the less attractive profiles by rejecting them next. I disagree. I believe what’s happening is that, after being shown all those attractive men first, the women aren’t “lashing out,” but she has more of a “ Grass is Greener” mindset. Meaning, because she’s just been shown all those 9s and 10s, she’s skipping over average looking men with the hope of being shown more 9’s and 10s.

Last week, I deleted my Bumble Account after being on it for 4 months and only having 2 ladies “swipe right” on me. Just two! Am I ugly? Was my profile lame? Was it because I mentioned I’m a Christian living by Bible standards? Were ladies holding out in favor of more attractive men? It doesn’t matter.

I’ve been told that I shouldn’t take it personally and I have to just keep putting myself out there…but that’s the equivalent of being passed up for basketball while captains are picking teams, so you just keep standing there for the next game over and over again for four months. If you’re always there, if you’re always available to the same people and they keep selecting others instead you, what do you think that does to a man’s confidence? Or rather, do you really think a “confident” man would stick around?

And yeah…you could say I’m confusing confidence with pride. Again…it doesn’t matter. For Single Men such as myself, our confidence and pride are linked to our peace and happiness. I have pride in knowing God and living by Bible standards. I have confidence in my ability to work hard and produce. I’m confident that I would make a devoted husband and loving father.

“Well, Rock. Those captains don’t know that. That’s why you have to put yourself out there and make the first move.”

Yeah….let’s talk about that. Or rather…I’ll let Melanie King explain.

In the first few minutes of this video, they talk about how women have always made the “first move”. This isn’t to say that men have never made the first move. But generally speaking, among my generation, there is the common belief that “real men” ALWAYS make the first move, and women don’t need to do anything but show up. And if a man doesn’t chase you then that man does not deserve you.

Honestly, I wouldn’t have a problem with this burden of performance. I wouldn’t have a problem with cold approaching a woman I found attractive even if she didn’t give me any indication of interest…but the difference between the older generation and now is that we’re living in the age of Social Justice and MeToo. But hey…don’t take my word for it. Listen to these ladies.

False Accusations Increased the Risks

So I’m about to reveal is a perspective you probably haven’t heard before. I don’t know if this applies to most men. But it’s a personal insecurity of mine.

When people say, “Oh, you’re just afraid of rejection.”

I’m not afraid of rejection. But I am afraid. I’m afraid of being looked at as a predator, a criminal, a villain, or a monster. When I say “looked at”…that’s exactly what I mean. No one will ever come out and call me any of those things…but my eyes…If you’re happy to see me, I can see it. If you’re upset with me, I can see it. And if you’re afraid of me…I CAN SEE IT.

“But, Rock. Sounds like that’s all in your head!”


“Well, that’s not their fault.”


“So then…sounds like the problem is you.”

Exactly. See how I did that? That’s called accountability. That’s called blaming yourself and not everyone else. I don’t blame others for this insecurity. But when I see the flash of fear and concern come across a person’s face at the mere sight of me, it hurts. Like, it causes some kind of psychosomatic pain in my chest. It’s a rotten awful feeling that takes days to get over, so I avoid it at all costs. And believe it or not, when I cold approach ladies, I run the risk of getting that look of fear and disgust.

Yes, you could say that all guys get those looks…and to that, I’d probably stop talking to you because it sounds like you’re trying to diminish how powerful the pain is to me individually. I’m not sure if that tactic has ever worked. Like, by a raise of hands, if you fell off your bike and someone says, “you’re not the only one who’s ever fallen off his bike” …has that miraculously made the pain go away? Saying the n-word doesn’t offend me, but it would offend my dad who had different experiences growing up. People who play football, have a higher threshold of pain than those who didn’t.

I’m a 6'3, 225lb black man. I used to weight 378 pounds and back then…I really did feel like a big ugly monster. I felt like everyone was always watching me wherever I went, like a gorilla who got loose from the zoo.

I know I’m not that weight anymore. And it’s my fault for letting myself get that big in the first place…but one of the consequences is that I have to live with the memories. The internal scars that have healed…but are still there. Perhaps I do need therapy. Maybe. But then again, one of the quickest ways to my heart is a woman who demonstrates from the get-go that she’s not afraid of me. Like my exes. Our chemistry was amazing. They weren’t afraid to tell me how much I meant to them. They weren’t afraid to initiate affection.

That being said, let’s get back to the culture.

I know all this sounds like a contradiction of having “confidence” but it’s not confidence that I lack. It’s courage. According to Merriam Webster, Confidence is “a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something”. Courage is having the ability to do something in the presence of fear. Fear is that God-given instinct that prompts us to avoid that which is dangerous.

Dad…I’d have to be a sociopath to shrug off all the crap I went through, all the misunderstandings, all the times my co-workers complained about a joke I said and claimed I made them feel “uncomfortable.” When I was 24, I was accused of sexual harassment, another girl claimed it “felt” like I was stalking her, and another girl who gave me her phone number, told others at a post-Super Bowl party that I stalked her out to her car to ask for her number and that she was creeped out by me.

What kind of man maintains his courage with dating after all that? It’s literally taken me YEARS to build myself up, to overcome all that mental trauma which included a panic attack where I legit broke down and cried in front of my entire department while presiding over a Toastmaster meeting. Did I check out? Nope. Did I quit and run away? Nope. Did I make a Facebook post looking for pity? No. But by the grace of God, I mustered the strength to pick myself up, learn from those mistakes, and harden myself against this wicked world and all its stupid advice. So when people talk about “getting out of my comfort zone” and “trying new things”…mentally, I just want to slam the door on these people.

It’d be one thing if I was 25…but I’m 35. I have gotten out of my comfort zone. I have tried new things. I have failed spectacularly and gone through my trial-and-error phase to learn my strengths and weaknesses. My generation would have you believe that we should keep trying new things well and never being content, but I don’t think that’s wise. The whole point of working hard is to get to a place where you are comfortable. My Christian faith teaches me to be content with what I have, not continually seek pleasures and materialistic things to store on earth. (Matt 6:19–24)

A couple of months back, My dad visited and we got into a heated conversation that started with my dad saying along the lines of, “Rock…You’re a good looking man. I wish you just had the confidence to walk up to a woman and simply introduce yourself. Nothing bad’s gonna happen.”

And I get it. My dad’s giving me advice because he wants to help. But he’s also giving me advice based on his generation. My dad’s never seen the videos of women being “cat-called” and all the backlash Men got for giving women compliments. Yes, some men went “overboard”…but they didn’t break the law. And once upon a time, women had to strength to handle those situations as individuals.

My dad’s likely not aware how the MeToo Movement has put a man’s career at risk. This hurts ladies as well, because how likely is a man willing to risk his job to mentor them.

Sheryl Samberg is the COO of Facebook, now Meta Platforms. She was on CBS back in 2019 where she spoke up about the issue of MeToo’s effect on social interactions in the workplace. And when asked about Men who are worried about the gossip and rumors that come from closed-door meetings, Sheryl’s answer is that she doesn’t answer. She doesn’t care. Men just need to step up and do it.

All it takes is a simple allegation, it doesn’t have to be from someone you work with, but anyone on the internet can look up something you said, or a blog that some woman’s written about you, accuse you of sexual misconduct and that’s it…you’re done. Thankfully, my false accusations were back in 2011. But Dad…can you imagine what my life would be like if it happened in 2021?

Dude…Billy Bush from “Access Hollywood” didn’t even SAY anything offensive, but a recording of a private conversation where Pres. Trump talked about grabbing women by the private parts, rail-roaded Bush’s career because people felt he should’ve rebuked Trump. It was a private conversation. People like Tom Hanks came out of the woodworks saying things like, “there’s room for locker room talk”…Says who? This is America, Jack!

There’s a Gillette commercial telling men to “be better” in which a dude is stopped by his male friend for wanting to approach a woman. Tell me, dad…would this have happened in the 70s or the 80s?

And while all these might sound like complaints…I thank God I’ve witnessed all this. My situation could’ve been worse. Joseph had to spend 3 years in jail after Potiphar’s wife falsely accused him. And just like what Joseph said when his brothers thought he’d want revenge, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, “ Gen 50:20.

If it weren’t for all my trials and tribulations, I might have remained like the great multitude of people who have no clue, no compassion, no comprehension or words of comfort or conciliation for the people who are like lost sheep, wanting love and companionship, following the trends of modern-day culture and ending up frustrated, confused, and addicted to porn, video games, or on antidepressants. And yes, I do mean “people.” Because it’s not just Men who are affected by this.


Dad, I hope you don’t take this as a personal attack, but it’s necessary to bring up how I am a product of divorce. We’ve had plenty conversations where you’ve told me your regrets, you’ve given me your perspective and revealed the circumstances surrounding my birth and what happened when it came to you and mom getting divorced.

I am honored that you’ve shared those details and I don’t take it for granted. I think the reason why I was able to handle those deep conversations so well, was because I’ve already heard other men and communities talk about their divorces, the child support laws, paternity fraud, and this notion of a “No-Fault Divorce”…whereby a woman can wake up one day, find herself no longer happy and divorce you and take half of everything you worked for.

If things were bad back then, understand that it’s considerably worse now. The reasons and conditions by which people are getting divorced is ridiculous. 80% of the divorces are initiated by women. And yes, you could blame it on the men and say it’s because men didn’t do this or that…but the reasons are subjective. The numbers aren’t.

More and more of my generation are seeing this. We spend our 20s working hard building a financial foundation, getting out of college debt so we can start a family…Then we see videos like this.

I know why the divorce and child support laws were created. Once upon a time, “Papa was a rolling stone” was a thing and a lot of men abandoned their families with little to no consequence. But as what seems to be human nature without God’s direction, people have taken advantage of a good thing and gone too far.

Jesus Christ said, “Everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of sexual immorality, makes her a subject for adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” — Matt 5:32

Aside from my own determination, my devotion to following Christ is why I’m all but sure I’ll never cheat on my wife and divorce her. However, there’s no guarantee that my wife won’t fall in love with another, that feminism won’t trick her into thinking she’s oppressed, that one day she won’t wake up and tell herself, “I’m not happy. I deserve more.”

Aside from my own determination, my devotion to following Christ is why I’m all but sure I’ll never cheat on my wife and divorce her. However, there’s no guarantee that my wife won’t fall in love with another, that feminism won’t trick her into thinking she’s oppressed, that one day she won’t wake up and tell herself, “I’m not happy. I deserve more.”

Well, Rock. Sounds like all you need to do is keep her happy…

Exactly. Society laughs off the notion and there’s the popular mantra of “happy wife, happy life…” But to a lot of us, being in a marriage with this mentality makes us as men, hostages. And maybe it’s always been this way. But I don’t think so.

Once upon a time, there was this thing called “shame” and societal stigmas from the community. Divorce and being a single parent weren’t as celebrated and “empowered” with commercials and TV shows trying to normalize it, make it appealing, or morally commendable.

Without any of that shame and disapproval from the herd, without religion serving as guard rails to keep people’s morality in check, what you get is this wickedness where right and wrong is based on the individual’s feelings, which can change on a whim or be influenced by people like the celebrities they follow.

This is a clip of Brittany Renner. She’s a social media influencer with 4.6 million followers. In this Vlad interview, DJ Vlad talks to Brittany Renner about how social media and reality TV ruined Hulk Hogan’s marriage because his wife wanted a divorce and is getting with some 20-year-old wanting to re-live her youth, and Renner’s response is “good for her.”

Good for her. Forget the husband. Forget the family. Forget the children. Good for HER, she says. Brittany Renner married PJ Washington of the Charlotte Hornets back in 2020. She divorced him 13 months later after bearing his child and is now entitled to hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support. A lot of people have bashed Washington for marrying Renner because Renner made it clear that she has always wanted to be a gold digger…and that’s my point.

People like Renner are a dime a dozen. Here’s a compilation from Mediocre Tutorial and Reviews.

“But that’s just Brittany Renner and she doesn’t speak for all women. Influencer is just a title. It doesn’t mean people are actually influenced by them.”

I want to believe that. But when you see songs like “WAP” make it to number one in the charts…when you see people like Jada Pinkett Smith talking about her open marriage and the “entanglement” as if it was nothing but a weekend trip to Tahiti…Yeah, you could say that I should stop watching and listening to this content. But would that change reality or simply make me blind to it?

People like Kevin Samuels and others are exposing this reality. I may not agree with all his opinions but when everyday women call into his show, they basically confirm what a lot of men have been saying about marriage and divorce in out with today’s dating culture.

In this video, a woman literally calls into Kevin Samuel’s show and asks him “how to divorce her loving stable husband, so she can go marry her ex who now has more resources and has made something of himself.” She’s not joking.

Don’t worry. I don’t think this woman is normal. I refuse to believe most women are like her. But can you imagine being her husband? Even being on my boss’s radio show for over 9 years, I’ve listened to men call in and talk to my boss (a defense attorney) about going from driving the latest F-150s to an old beat up Taurus’s just to get to work where a huge chunk of his paycheck is going to a woman who divorced him for irreconcilable differences, took the children, and married another man in some big house down the coast.

And despite all this. Despite the risk and the hostage mentality…I don’t care, dad. Foolishly, I still have hope. I’m blessed with good role models and marriages that have lasted a lifetime. I truly believe that if a woman’s so beautiful, if she means so much to me that I vow to spend the rest of my life with her…it’s worth it. But for me to do that, I believe without a shadow of doubt that my best chance…is to seek out a woman who endeavors to put God first. Bringing me to my 4th and Final Point.


So far, with online dating…I’ve met plenty of ladies who claim to be Godfearing Christians…but by their words and actions, they don’t clearly put God first. What do I mean?

Well…let’s start with the basics. Do you believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God? If yes, then you have to believe that what the Scriptures tell us about how we should live our lives, also comes from God.

Today’s modern culture tells us that we don’t need “Gender Roles” and that we need to break down traditional constructs between men and women. Therein lies the Christian’s dilemma. If Hollywood and the media encourages you to live a life that’s different from what God says through his word the Bible…which will you choose to follow?

This is Super Important. Because it tells you if you’re dealing with a person who endeavors to put God first or not. The keyword there is “endeavor”…God knows we all fall short. None of us are perfect. We all make mistakes. But by observation and a discerning eye, you can tell what kind of person you’re dealing with if they keep making the same mistakes. You can tell if they’re “endeavoring” to put God first by the way they react to the scriptures.

Marisol, An Atheist Associate recently asked on the boss’s radio show, “Rock, you mentioned growing up in a religiously oppressive household. Don’t you find it weird that as an adult, you live your life by strict Christian principles yourself?”

That’s the thing…I don’t find Christ’s standards that oppressive. And more importantly, I see the wisdom in living by those standards. My Atheist associate is confused because too many people “claim” to be Christians, but they barely know what Christ and his Apostles taught.

Jesus Christ said at Matt 16:24–26, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?”

This doesn’t mean Jesus wants us to live like monks separated from society. But as a Christian in today’s modern times, I choose to remain a virgin until I get married and I choose to refrain from condoning and celebrating sinful lifestyles,. If the Christian Woman I’m dealing with can’t accept this…it’s alright. I wish them the best in their journey, but they’re not the ones for me.

My dad’s already seen this video where I talk about “Wives Submitting to their Husbands,” but that’s probably one of the easiest Litmus tests a Christian man can use when determining whether this woman is endeavoring to put God first…or if she cares more about doing what’s good in God’s eyes or the World’s.

This is a big deal to me because it’s my firm belief, that the only reason why two married Christians get divorced…is because one or both of them stop putting God first in their lives. If somebody cheats, they’ve put their own wants and desires before God’s. If someone is no longer happy and gets a divorce because society says it’s okay under irreconcilable differences, again, you’re not putting God first. What does God say on the matter?

Every time the topic of marriage comes up, Marisol the Atheist always says, “I don’t believe anyone should have to stay in a marriage where they’re not happy and they’re miserable.”

That’s from the mouth of an Atheist, a woman who rejects God and the Bible Principles. It makes sense why she’d say that. She doesn’t believe in God. But can you imagine what it’s like to hear that from a woman who claims to be Christian? That she shares the same belief about marriage as an Atheist? A wise man sees this and puts two and two together. Which means…when push comes to shove, her vows and commitment to you in marriage aren’t as important to her than her own individual feelings.

I don’t like that. Never respected it. This is a person, man or woman, who lacks honor.

Again…I know no one’s perfect. I know my marrying a Christian woman won’t guarantee that I won’t get divorced. But unlike everyone else who lives in a secular society where the parameters of what’s right and wrong is dictated by how you feel…A Christian knows that they will be held accountable, that they will be judged by God. Justice will be served.

Also going back to “Confidence”…A man who’s Confident in their belief in Christ and living by Christ’s standards…Dad, this is a man who could careless about dying alone if he never finds a woman worth marrying. This Christian is “confident” that there’s a world far better than this, and if he endures to the end, he has a place in the kingdom of heaven.

I know, old school thinking would have you saying that relationships aren’t easy and there’s going to be a lot of ups and downs. Gen 3:15 explains that there will be difficulties between men and women’s relationships. But I think in black culture especially, too many seem to revel in the hardships.

In this video, women are openly admitting that they’d rather date drug dealers, and scammers than a 9–5 man.

Granted, I don’t think this video speaks for all women, or even all black women. Diversity means more than skin colors, but diversity of thought. And just like there’s the Cardi Bs and Lil Kims of the worlds…there’s also the Melanie Kings , the Shameka Michelles, and the Candice Owens . Meaning, I bet if the interviewer spoke with black women who were god-fearing, nurses, paralegals, and dental associates, those ladies would say they prefer a 9–5 man.

Alright Dad…hopefully this explains what I have to navigate through when it comes to dating. And to the ladies who might be upset that I’m only giving the male perspective, I am male. I’m sure you could write up whole essays about dudes like Nick Cannon, Future, and NBA Youngboy who have multiple babies by different Baby Mommas. And I’m sure you can draw up essays about Christian men who cheat and hucksters like Derrick Jaxn.

I ask for patience. You and Mom taught me a great deal and I remember. If I had a son, I wouldn’t want him to make the same mistakes I did. And if I had a son, knowing all this was going on in this world…I’d have a greater understanding as to why he’d be “picky” or “selective”…not throwing caution to the wind.

Because the consequences…I thank God none of my brothers have children out of wedlock or married a woman who they don’t love or get along with. I’ll do my best to find a wife. But know that “my best” is not your best. My generation is not your generation. Love ya, man.

Originally published at on December 20, 2021.